Puppies Recall, Children Fly

I’ve learned many things from having a new puppy. The most important being that there is a very big difference between raising puppies and raising children.

Yes, I know, that sounds like it should be obvious. But that’s the problem. I don’t think it is. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.

After all, puppies and babies are both bundles of joy that we love to cuddle and kiss and snuggle.

And they both need us to dote on them, love them and teach them how to live as members of our society.

Like many people do, I often think of my new puppy as the second baby I never had. And I often treat him that way too.

So what’s the problem?

Let’s Tell Our Kids – Don’t Forget To Daydream!

I saw this sign at a local elementary school:

Spring Conferences
No School March 13 & 14
Read Read Read

You’d think I gave it a huge thumbs up wouldn’t you?

But I didn’t.

Free To Be You And Me

Many of us spend our adolescent years, and some of us even much, if not all, of our lives, struggling to change who we are in order to fit in and be accepted.

How freeing would it be if we didn’t have to be afraid to be exactly who we are?

Think of what we could do, with all that extra time and emotional energy we’d have, if we didn’t waste it hating others and hating ourselves.

Last week, I read a fascinating report, Gay-straight alliances in schools reduce suicide risk for all students, on the findings of a new study.

Two of the study’s key findings were that, in schools with gay-straight alliances implemented three or more years ago:

• The odds of homophobic discrimination and suicidal thoughts were reduced by more than half among lesbian, gay, bisexual boys and girls compared to schools with no GSA.
• Heterosexual boys were half as likely to attempt suicide as those in schools without GSAs.

Wow! How awesome is that!

I don’ t know about you, but I’d do anything to reduce by half the number of young people who were so miserable that they wanted to kill themselves.

What I think is profoundly important about these findings, though not at all surprising, is the reduction in suicide rates for all children, and not just those who identified as LGBT.

Of course, that makes perfect sense.

Because the cool thing about GSA clubs is that they are safe places for all students, not just LGBT students, to find support and feel free to express themselves. As in, they are places for students who are struggling with an identity that is perceived by others as being “uncomfortably-unlike-me”.

Adolescence is tough. Heck, life is tough.

If the presence of a GSA club has been linked to a decrease in suicide and suicidal ideation amongst young people, why isn’t every single school in the country encouraging its students to form one?

And more importantly, why is the Lake County School Board fighting a court battle against one?

This LGBT Youth Allies article is one of many about the Lake County School Board’s continued “battle to block the formation of a gay-straight alliance (GSA) as an officially recognized student club at a local middle school.”

Why are we scared to teach our children that it’s okay for me to be me and you to be you?

How on Earth do we expect to grow as a species, if we teach our children to fear their identities, instead of encouraging them to embrace the rich diversity of our humanity?

Kids aren’t stupid. They get it. Better than we do, in fact.

As long as we are still fighting court battles, such as the one in Lake County, we are teaching our children that:

• Some loves are more equal than others
• Some types of being perceived as “too-unlike-me” are less acceptable than others

GSA clubs are about supporting young people, not just LGBT students, but all students – so that they can feel free to be exactly who they are.

We have an opportunity to provide something precious to our children – permission to spend their adolescent years embracing and reveling in their identities as they discover their own journeys as human beings, instead of wasting those years hating themselves and others.

It’s not about being gay or straight.

It’s not about who we love.

It’s about having the safety and freedom to be who we are, and to love who we love.

The Apple Falls Far From The Tree

My son is twenty-two. So far, he has not lived up to the shining example of transitioning to adulthood that I set for him so many years ago.

When I was his age, I was a high school dropout with a toddler in tow. I had no clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life, or how I intended to support myself and my son. I was immature, irrational, and quite certain that money grew on trees. I was also possessed of a thick skull and a stubborn streak, both of which were very resistant to the learning of life’s lessons through my mistakes.

My son has failed to embrace this marvelous heritage.

For one thing, he graduated from college yesterday. He is now a graduate student with a vision for the life journey he’d like to carve for himself.

For another, he already demonstrates a level of maturity, rational thought and financial sensibility that remain (to my husband’s chagrin) foreign and incomprehensible to me.

But most importantly, at twenty-two, my son knows who he is. He is happy, well in his own skin, and full of life, love and laughter. A feat that took me decades to accomplish!

The apple of my eye, it seems, has fallen so very, very far from the tree :-)!

 

My Child Is Gone – It’s A Beautiful Thing!

I loved being a mommy.

When my son was born, I nuzzled his nose and fell head over heels in love with him.

He was my very own little person to love and nurture, and I could snuggle and cuddle and kiss him to my heart’s content.

I knew immediately that motherhood was the greatest gig on the planet.

As my son grew older, though, my mommy role changed. Cuddling and snuggling were replaced with homework help, driving lessons, and, one day, a ride to college.

For years, I secretly yearned to have my little boy back, the one who needed me to hug him, kiss him, and make his booboos all better.

Fortunately, despite having me as his mother, my son has completely failed to fail-to-launch.

He graduates from college next week.

My child is gone. My days of motherhood are over.

And I’ve never been happier.

It took me a long, long, long, looooooong time – but I finally realized that motherhood is not about me. It never was.

Motherhood was only ever about me giving all of myself for my son – love, worry, fear, hope, money, time – in hopes that, if I was truly lucky, one day, he would:  leave me, thrive without me, and even, fall in love with, and cuddle, someone other than me.

The entire purpose and hope of the journey of motherhood is for it to end.

My child is gone.

In his place is an amazing man.

And with this man, I’m embarking on a new journey – a journey of friendship.

Unlike motherhood, the journey of friendship is a journey that need never end.

It turns out that the end of motherhood is just the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful thing!